The 5 Most Dangerous Questions

joe —  Tue 9-Aug-11
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Danger WIll RobinsonI think some of the most dangerous husband and wife arguments start from the simplest of questions. I’ve seen first hand the graveyard of beaten egos that came as the result of an answer that seemed harmless at first. You can tell it is the wrong answer when you find yourself asking “Did I just say that out loud?” the minute the words come out of your mouth.

So as a service to you men out there that haven’t yet experienced one of these character building sessions, let me present to you the five questions that have only one acceptable answer.

1. Do these jeans make my butt look fat?
Correct Answer: “No” (and say nothing else)
What You Want To Say: “No, that quart of Haagen Dazs last night does.”

Butt Look Fat

This is the single question that brings fear into the heart of any man that hears it. We know even a simple no won’t be enough unless we can appear 100% convincing. See if you can pretend you didn’t hear her. It’s a gamble, but so is any answer you might give.

2. Do you want an honest answer?

Correct Answer: “Yes, because I truly value your opinion.”
What You Want To Say: “It sounds as though you require my permission to give me an honest answer. Should I assume everything else were lies?”

What if person replied with “No” – would they still answer?

Elton John

3. Is that what you are planning to wear today?

Correct Answer: “No, I was just practicing getting dressed. I’ll change immediately.”
What You Want to Say: “Why? Do you think this makes my butt look fat?”

<he he he> Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Two can play this game- except that you will lose.

4. What Were You Thinking?

Correct Answer: Nothing. Look remorseful – like a puppy that has just been scolded for peeing on the rug.
What You Want to Say: “How much I would do it again if I thought I could get away with it.”
This is really a rhetorical question. Keep in mind that there are no rhetorical answers. You may think there are – resist this urge.

5. Is this your fantasy or do you think it’s mine?

Correct Answer: “Let’s pretend I never brought this up – ok?”
What You Want to Say: “I don’t care who gets credit for it. Ready?”

Princess Leia

When these 10 words are uttered you know this verbal interaction is going to be re-played many times with your wife’s girlfriends. Get used to it. Consider taking a month long business trip to India until this blows over.

Ok – so I gave you my 5; I know there are more waiting for me. Help a brother out and let me know some of yours.

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